8/5/12-Getting on the elevator to go back to the lobby that first night, I was terrified. I had no idea what would happen next. I was in Camden, New Jersey with my two children, my brother-in-law, near strangers and complete strangers. I had little clothing, no food and no money. I didn't know where we would sleep, where we would eat and had absolutely no clue about Scott's survival. The ride downstairs seemed to take an eternity. Little did I know that the strangers who were waiting on my report would become life-long friends and people who would treat us like family from here on out.

The main lobby at Cooper Hospital was nice. It was current and clean. However, it seemed extremely white and cold. The floor to ceiling windows were dark and showed the inside reflection of the reception area. It felt like we were the only people in the entire hospital.  Other than security and the cleaning crew. At the time, I felt safe and secure and I had no idea what I was about to experience in the next 41 days at this facility. I had no idea how dangerous it was about to be.

Coming out of the elevator, I turned to my left, with Doug and my kids following. There was a small bend before entering the hallway into the main lobby. I could see everyone in the waiting area before they could see me. The first person I saw was Ray. I could tell he had been pacing back and forth, probably for quite a while. He was on his phone and looked up. I could tell by the look on his face that the look on my face was not what he wanted to see. I could almost see the energy drain from his body and hit that white tile hard as bricks.

It was kind of awkward for me at the time, but I really had no one else there for me to comfort me and to help me through this. He was walking towards me and I only had a few seconds to get myself in check to give him the information he was looking for. I know he is a very busy man and I wanted to give him the details and let him get on with what he needed to do. I knew he needed to have his mother home, had to drive the race trailer back to North Carolina and a million other things. I knew he didn't have time for my problems. He's Ray Evernham for God's sakes!! I was completely wrong about that. He didn't care about who was waiting for him or what his upcoming commitments were. The only thing that mattered to him was Scott and what he needed to do to make this horrible nightmare as comfortable as humanly possible for everyone there. 

I felt like I ran up to him. I just needed to hear from someone that I knew personally that everything would be okay. I knew if my dad was there he would have said those words to me and Ray was the closest thing at the time to make me believe that it would be okay. I think Ray already knew what the outcome of Scott's injuries were going to be. He had been there and seen it first hand and although he never let on how bad it was, I think he knew that Scott would lose at least one leg and possibly two. I am pretty sure I latched on to him like he was the last human on earth. I tried to tell him what had happened but I don't think anything I said was audible because my face was buried somewhere between his chest and waist. Ray, compared to me, is a tall, athletic, lanky man. He was wearing a black cotton racing shirt. Presumably his or Erin's, I am not sure. It must have been brand new because all I could smell was the rubber of the screen printing on the front of his shirt. My face was nearly raw from the tears and the plastic of that screen printing. It's a smell that I used to love but now reminds me of the worst night of my life. I could feel myself grasping his shirt like I was hanging above a canyon with no harness. My knees were buckling beneath me. I felt bad because I think my hysteria made it worse for him. I could see Erin standing nearby us, with tears in her eyes.

We eventually made it to the main lobby where we spent the night. Willy, Ray's brother had to take Ming and the race trailer back to North Carolina. They had had no sleep either. Allen, Bruce and Lynne left also and promised to be back soon to help, and they did. I had gone outside on several occasions throughout the night for fresh air and nicotine. Doug usually followed me. We paced together, cried together, laughed together. It seemed perfectly safe and secure to be outside. I had no idea where I was or what was happening across the street and down the block. At one point, I went out alone. I needed to be alone for just two minutes to get myself together and to make a plan for the next day. Doug came out and told me I had to come inside, the hospital was going on lock down. Lock down? What the hell did that mean? From midnight to 5 am, no one was allowed in or out of the hospital. I knew at that moment, this was not the place I wanted to spend one more day.

We had no choice but to stay in the hospital lobby. It was freezing cold in there, most of us had little to nothing for comfort. I was so glad that Ray and Erin were willing to stay with the kids and I until we could get a plan together. I don't think I could have mustered the strength to do it by myself. Erin had graciously offered to get everyone something to drink. I figured caffeine would be a necessity to make it through the night, so I asked her to grab me a cup of coffee. At that hour of the night, the only thing that was open was the vending machines. She came back to lobby carrying hot coffee for us. I really wanted that coffee until I took my first sip. It was by far the most horrid coffee I had ever tasted in my entire life!! I do not have words to describe the taste. It was terrible. Lake water tastes better than the coffee out of that vending machine. I drank almost half of it just to get to warm.

I think it was someone from the cleaning crew that had offered us a few blankets and pillows and we happily accepted. I was tired, cold and scared. I think everyone felt that way. I tried to make Doug and the kids as comfortable as possible. I really wanted them to get some sleep. There is nothing worse than hungry, tired, cranky kids. And I didn't want to deal with that. At that point, I didn't want to deal with anything other than getting back my husband and my life. We had all agreed to try and get some sleep. I don't think any of us did though. Everytime I closed my eyes, I prayed to God to let this not be reality. And everytime I opened my eyes, I was still in New Jersey.

But everytime I opened my eyes, Ray was there. Awake, watching over all of us.