12/13/12- I received my first negative comment tonight on my blog. It really shocks me that someone could be so thoughtless and ignorant to think that they have ANY clue on what happens in my life. The joy of living in the free world is you don't have to read, listen or look at anything that you don't want to. The whole purpose of my blog was to try and release emotions and feelings that I was going through. NO one else. I am sorry if I offended anyone but on the other hand, don't follow me on Twitter, don't be my friend on Facebook and don't read my blog. Block me, ignore me, delete me..but don't judge me. And no, I personally do not suffer from Chronic pain and hope that I never do. But what I do suffer from is watching my best friend, the love of my life, my husband and the father of my children suffer day in and day out. For 459 days now, so don't tell me that I do not know what it's like. There is no pill, no therapy, no surgery that will take away the pain that my children and I feel right along with him.

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of my husband's first hot shower since his accident. 95 days without one. 95 days of being in a hospital bed and getting a sponge bath once or twice a week. His race shop's Christmas party last year was a good reason to do something about that. He really wanted to go and so did I. Going to the grocery store was an outlet for me, so going out and celebrating something, anything was something to look forward to. Waiting for the insurance company to approve home renovations was like waiting for Hell to freeze over. That's a whole other blog in itself.

I made several phone calls and several trips to local hotels to see if we could get him into a shower before his Christmas party. Its really pathetic that most national chain hotels are not wheelchair accessible. They claim to be handicap accessible but that usually means a few hand rails in the bathroom. I found a hotel that I thought would work, took my tape measure and tried to map out the situation in my head.  I was nervous about the whole thing, we had practiced several times at the rehabilation center but there was always an Occupational Therapist either in the bathroom with us or close nearby. This would be my first time, alone, helping him shower. Luckily, the PICC line was out at this time and after six weeks of administering IV antibiotics every six hours, on the hour, I was ready to get rid of that.  But I still had to check and double check my list. Did I have enough plastic wrap, did I have enough tape, did I have enough wound dressings, did I have all of his toiletries, did I have enough towels? Did I have enough of everything to accomplish this task without having to run back home and leave him alone?  It was just him and I.

I am sure he will attest to the fact that it was the most amazing shower he had had in his entire life. Once settled in the hot water, I shut the door and let him be alone. I think he was in there for a good 30 minutes. I paced the hotel room for the entire time he was in there with one hand on my phone, just in case I needed backup. Asking him every 30 seconds if he was okay. After his shower, we laid together on the king size bed. Also, a first in 95 days. I had gotten used to sleeping in a chair next to his hospital bed or on the couch in the next room.

The task at hand was accomplished with no major snafus. We took off to the party and had a pretty good time. It was an emotional Christmas party. It was the first time most people had seen Scott since his accident. Although we didn't stay long, it was one of the best nights of my life. We spent the next six weeks doing the same routine, every Friday night minus the party. Booking a hotel room and getting that priceless hot shower and the even more priceless time of laying together in the same bed, even if it was only for a few minutes.

Tomorrow night is the race shop's Christmas party, but this year we get to shower in our house. No worries of whether or not I packed everything, no worries of how we are going to get ready. It's going to be a really good time, I think. The best thing about my family, is no matter how much we are suffering on the inside, emotional or physical, we can put a smile on our face, have an amazing time and most importantly move forward. We can enjoy ourselves and the blessings we have been given. 

I hope that this blog doesn't offend anyone. Everyone has their own problems, their own issues and their own demons. When I say certain things, I am not criticizing anyone and I expect to not be criticized by others either. This is my life, my husband's life and my children's life. Maybe my Dad was right. I should stop blogging and write my book. Then haters would have another option, they would have to buy the book to read the book.

So do me a favor, if you don't like what I say, simply ignore me.