5/24/2012-My second day as a "blogger". Unsure of where to start. How often do bloggers blog? How long should a blog be? Should I start from the beginning? Should I start from today? My intention is to vent. My intention is to open the door for other women (and men) who have experienced or are experiencing what I go through everyday. I feel that no one I know can associate with what I go through everyday.
My initial intention was to reach out to other racing wives who are dealing with their husbands injuries that occured while racing. Yesterday was a bad day, I needed someone who could say, "I know what you're going through." I Googled and Binged every possible combination to find a website that did that. I could not find one. I felt alone. And then I realized that I needed a bigger support group, I needed to broaden my horizons and look outside of MY box and maybe other wives are looking for the same thing.
There is so much that makes up a racing family. There are sponsors, car owners, drivers, crews, fans, husbands, wives, children, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, house work, school, sports, bills...responsibilites. Balancing all of these people and all of these responsibilites can be a difficult task. Even for the most OCD, Type A personalities.
Our journey together started about 20 years ago. Then slapped us in the face 8 months ago. My husband is spending his 71st day in a hospital. Alone, bored, irritated, anxious. The 17th surgical procedure seems to be a step in the right direction. Everyone seems optimistic that this time its gonna work and maybe within 6 weeks he can take his first steps. I mean, how many times does it take before it can be done with? Apparantly, more than 17.
The most popular saying is "It's only temporary" and my all time favorite: "Everything is gonna be okay." If I had a nickel for every time I heard those two sayings, I could own Google and Bing. And frankly, I wanna slap anyone who says that to me these days. I believed it at first, but don't anymore. If only there was a definitive date when this nightmare would be over, I could handle that. It would give us something to look forward to, strive towards. I scratch each day off of the calendar. But there is no goal that I'm scratching off for, because we have no idea when it will be over.
I really wanted to write a book and still might. But for now I am using this blog as my therapy. I have 257 days of thoughts, nightmares, intuitions and feelings that need to be told. And if nothing else, I hope it helps someone else.
Ang, I don't think you will find many that have gone through what you guys have. No one can possibly know what it is like to get that phone call and hear the exact same thing you heard that night. I cringe when I think of what you emotions you went through, how your heart sank and how sick it made you. Believe me, I can't understand how you have stood so strong.
ReplyDeleteI sit here and think of all of the things you have heard, done, said and dealt with and wonder how your sanity is intact. I think of Scott and how his life has changed in an instant, along with your entire families. It is amazing how none of you have given up, thrown in that towel.
I just want you to know I admire you, the kids and Scott for not letting this set you back any further than it has. You are amazing people and I am proud to have you as family. Love you guys.
Hi.
ReplyDeleteI'm new here, obviously since you just started your blog. I've been a blogger since 2005 and I think that venting is what blogs are about for most bloggers. It's cheaper than therapy and there is something reassuring to have someone, even if it's a stranger, say "I know how you feel" or "Me too!" or even "that really sucks".
I know your situation is specific to racing but I think that in all our lives there are things that are relatable, feelings you share with others no matter what kind of blog you write.
I hope this blog provides you with some relief and an outlet for your frustrations. Maybe even some new friends!