5/30/2012- That first summer of knowing him and his circle, I spent every moment I could being at every party he was at. It didn't matter who my date was, I just knew I had to be there. I actually feel a little guilty that I used certain people in my life to get where I had to be and be with the one who I knew would take care of me forever.

I mentioned earlier that I don't remember much of my past, but I find most of my day is now spent remembering those moments that changed my life in one way or another. I am now overwhelmed with random thoughts and memories and I am trying to piece them together. It's tough trying to write about almost 40 years of events, memories, moments and thoughts and still keep focus on my objective for this whole thing.

One significant moment happened that summer that we first met. I was at Jeff's house, no particular reason, that I recall and I really don't remember who I was even with. At this point though, I was friends with most of the guys and they seemed to always invite me to their parties. I'm sure some of their intentions were not upstanding, but they never bothered me. They all knew who I was there for. It was just a matter of time. (And every single one of them would help me today, at any given moment, if I needed them)

A knock on the door, and there he was.  It was like in the movies, when the superhero comes to save the day. That's what he looked like. In one motion, the door opened, his helmet came off and he glided through the front door. I can feel myself sigh right now with adoration just thinking about it. He mentioned that he just dropped his ex off at the airport. She was on her way to start her new life in Florida. Sara, was Scott's ex, but they dated for nearly five years. They had serious history and I knew he loved her. You could tell that although he was happy for her and her new life, he was disappointed that he had to let her go. I knew then how passionate he was for those he loved and that he would do anything for them, even if it meant letting them go. That made me fall even harder for him.

Like a vulture, I seen his time of need as a time to make my move. And I did. We had so many great times that summer and early fall. I can't tell you all the details, you'll have to buy the book!!

I went off to college that fall to study Pre-Law. I had my entire future figured out at seventeen.  It was only to Albion College, but it was far enough away, that I wasn't involved enough in everything that happened. Scott worked out of town alot and was at the race shop in the evenings and the racetrack on the weekends. I couldn't be there every waking moment. I had school, I had to study,  I had to work, I had responsibilities. Something had to give and it did. I couldn't take the pressure of everything. I knew I was missing out on certain things, mainly Scott and what he was doing. I couldn't balance college and life. So I quit. It really makes me nauseous, resentful and angry to say that. I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit. Quit? Really? Looking back on that, boy that was stupid. How could I have been so smart to be accepted into a private college to study Pre-Law and be so stupid to quit? There is no logical, reasonable or sensible explanation.

 Other than love. That's my answer.