6/20/2012- Today has been a day of ups and downs. I might ramble just a bit. I knew exactly what I wanted to blog about next but so many things happened to me today emotionally, that  now I do not know where to start. I really need to carry a tape recorder with me throughout the day to record my every thought. Some of my thoughts may be stupid or redundant but that’s my life. It’s amazing to me the generosity that certain people in my life have. Certain people do things for us that they don’t have to. It surely humbles you and makes you want to be that caring and giving and not think twice about it. Since Scott’s accident, we have seen numerous people who must struggle every day like we do, most of them probably more than us. Once you are in the healthcare system, you see people from all walks of life and in all different situations. Or maybe I just notice it more now that we deal with a handicap every day. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing a perfectly able body get out of a car at Target and jog inside the store, while I am circling trying to find a suitable place to park so that we have plenty of room to get out of the car.  

There was one occasion that Scott and I went to Walmart to get groceries. Keep in mind that going to get groceries or going to dinner or going anywhere is a major production. We have to make sure we have the transport wheelchair, the two leg extensions, the walker, the slide board, the handicap sign, the urinal, his pills and that’s if he’s wearing his prosthetic., If not then we have to have the prosthetic, the silicone sock, the alcohol spray, the charger, the remote, the blue boot, the black boot, the pink boot. Sorry, rambling.

So anyway, we were at Walmart. I was bitching because I pinched my finger in the fricking wheelchair trying to heave it out of the trunk. My pain quickly subsided when I looked up and I noticed a mom and a grandmother putting a little girl in a wheelchair. I felt two inches tall. What the hell was I complaining about? Absolutely nothing. So fricking stupid. Man, was I mad at myself. That happened months ago and I still hate myself for it. I feel completely and utterly ridiculous and embarrassed of my selfishness somedays.

Tonight, Scott was on the computer and narrating aloud the racing news, like he always does. I swear he subscribes to every sprint car racing site on the planet and feels compelled to read the results and news aloud so I can hear. Honestly, I do not pay that close attention unless I need to. He was on onedirt.com and was reading an article, out loud, about a fellow sprinter who was killed. It immediately caught my attention and I wanted to know all the details. I had an overwhelmingly sense of wanting to be involved. I wanted to know what happened, how did it happen, who did it happen to, why did it happen and how could we help.

His name his David Tarter. He’s from California. He was a 30 year old fellow 360 racer who was simply airing up a tire when the bead lock broke, hitting him in the head and killing him. Right there, right then. There’s was nothing that anyone could do. Completely helpless. I cannot imagine the horror that the people around him experienced. And it makes my heart hurt for the people that were with Scott that day.

With tears in my eyes, I told Scott we have to do something. I will not rest until we help this family someway, somehow. I almost feel a little obsessed by it. I could have been the one writing the obituary last September for not only my husband,but for my son and my brother-in-law. I am so thankful that I didn't have to do that. So many people across the entire country, some we know, some we have never met have reached out to us. It really makes it easier knowing that you are not alone. I want the Tarter family to rest easy tonight knowing they are not alone.

There has been an overwhelming amount of support for us and I have to return the favor, I have to pay it forward......