6/3/2012-Whats amazing to me in life, is that you always have that one person,who no matter what can calm you down, the person who makes you sit back and take a look at the situation and be rational.  That person to me is my mother. There have been so many times, especially lately that I have wanted to implode. I don't think I have ever been this angry with life and myself. There are some days that I just don't want to be a part of this anymore. Some days, I feel like I am trying to do everything to make everyone happy and no one is happy. I feel that there is no one on this planet who deals with the frustration that I have every single minute of every single day. I get this pounding in my chest and a pain in my stomach that doesn't go away. Ever.

That's when I call my Mom. She always has a reasoning that I can never seem to find on my own. My dad always told me that I needed to be more like my mother. Don't let people bother you, don't wear you heart on your sleeve, don't be so sensitive. Unfortunately for me, that is my father and that is who I am. People do bother me, I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I am extremely sensitive. The rough and tough exterior you see is totally fake.

I have been so proud of blogging and I really wanted my parents to be a part of it. I asked my mom tonight if she had read any of it and she said no.  I asked her why, could she not get to it, did she not know how to navigate it? She simply said, "I don't want to read your diary, not just yet." I gained an entire different level of respect for my mom tonight. She didn't want to let herself be weakened by reading it, because she knows I need her there for me. I understand her theory. She wants to remain objective for me. We joked about about how someday she would read it in the attic with old clothes on like Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation.

She has been my strength through this whole ordeal from that horrible day when I called her. I had no credit to book a flight and I wasn't sure if Erin would be able to get me to New Jersey. So my very next call was to my mom. My mom was on vacation with her siblings in Wisconsin. It was the most heart breaking call I had to make, knowing that they all would have hear the bad news.  I had no details, I didn't know how bad it was, I didn't know where I was going, where I would end up or how long I would be gone. All I knew was I needed money to get to my family. I called her and told her I needed her credit card number, that Scott was hurt really bad, Matt was hurt, Doug was hurt and Morgan and I needed to get there as soon as possible. Without hesitation, she gave me her credit card number and never asked one question. She just wanted me to call her right away with details.

I could not live one moment on this planet without my mother. She has taught me so many things, things that are too many to list. Looking back on life, I really wished I would have listened to her more. She is the most intelligent, inspiring, thoughtful, loving and giving person I know, Just don't piss her off!! I am who I am because of her.

I ended up not needing my mother's credit card that day, because someone else was already on top of the situation, in complete control, took care of every detail from flight to hotel to transportation and her name is Ann Eaton, an angel sent from God to take care of all us.